Of Awkward Moments and Being Skinny With Stretch Marks

Everyone has experienced those awkward moments in life. Moments you wish you could un-live or wipe them entirely from your memory.

I’m talking about those few seconds after you kiss a person you know you shouldn’t have. Both of you know it was a mistake and you’re lost for what to do. You don’t know whether to throw all caution to the wind and continue  or to scamper to your feet, say a dramatic “I can’t do this”  and  flee for dear life.

I’m talking about that awkward moment when you really want to coit with that  guy you’ve been crushing on for ages but you’re afraid he’ll think you’re a wanton woman .You’re stuck in an uncomfortable see-saw trying to balance the fire in your pants and your reputation.

I’m talking about that awkward moment when your friends ask you what you and some guy you’ve been seeing for months are…and it hits you that you actually don’t have an inkling of what the two of you a are. You’ve never really defined anything. All you’ve been doing is chill.

I’m talking about that awkward moment when his pee-pee goes soft in your hands right when you’re in the heat of the moment; or worse still, when you’re trying to put the sheath on it.(apologies to the innocent folks for the grapic imagery). You say it’s ok but inside you’re a bit infuriated and a little bit insulted. How could he?

I’m talking about the awkward moment when he cums too fast, and you’re left there like a cow on heat. Wishing you’d just opted for the shower head instead.  Self satisfaction was always the best.

I’m talking about the awkward moment when someone you have been merely enjoying regular bedminton tournaments with suddenly drops the  “I love you” bombshell after a tryst and you suddenly laugh out loud…then you see the hurt in his eyes;  you hate yourself. You didn’t know it would crush his ego like that. You wish you could swallow back your  laughter but what’s done is done. A case of spilt milk.

I’m talking about the awkward moment when you discover the  male bff that she told you never to worry about has been licking the honey pot…probably more times than you. You’re left there  asking yourself questions. Why did she make such a fool of you? You feel insulted. Are you that gullible?

I’m talking the awkward moment when you unclothe yourself in his presence and he stares at you, the question beckoning in his eyes. “Why do you have stretch marks and you’re skinny?” You know he wants to ask but he’s afraid it might ruin the moment. And so he pretends he doesn’t care. He had told you previously how much he dislikes women with such…so you know he does care that you have them.

People associate stretch marks with chubby people. You’re only forgiven for having stretch marks if you are fat…or when you’ve already given birth. But the questions stream in when you are skinny. It’s almost as if it’s a disability.

You have the perfect bikini body, heck you have even bought several bikinis hoping that someday you’ll gather your guts and actually wear them. But your fear won’t let you shine. People’s eyes will make you uncomfortable.  The disgust is written all over their faces. And so you envy other women at the pool strutting around in their flawless thighs and bums, stuck in your ugly swimming bikers or shorts.  Your self esteem is a bit low at times. You’re scared of ever undressing in front of people…more so a guy you want to get intimate with. Dryspell becomes your life. You feel the need to explain yourself when you finally convince yourself to frolick in the sack with someone.

Sometimes you wish you were a bit fat so that you’d not have to explain anything since people would expect you to have them either way….But you like your tummy flat so binging on fried food is not an option.

Maybe someday they’ll come up with a magic cream that fades those monsters overnight, not that Bio Oil nonsense. And when that day comes, you will pack your bags and head to Malindi and spend the entire afternoon strutting along the beach  in your Bikini. It won’t matter if it’s  it’s in the middle of July and the weather is glum. You’ll just be glad that the awkward moments will be long gone.