Who Put The Gay in Vacay

So this week’s guest post is from this young lad the Rackster . His writing is impeccable, leave alone the creativity bit. Many are the times I have visited his blog to read one post and 1 hour later, I find myself still reading. You’ll have to visit his WordPress to get what I mean.


The flight wasn’t so bad. Only who knew there were pot holes in the sky? Maybe the clouds were bumpy. I don’t know. Yes, it was my first time. Every time that resonating ding sounded I almost latched onto my neighbor. He was an elderly man in his late sixties. For some strange reason he would smile and calmly rub my hand. This was soothing – I hate myself for admitting this.

Finally we touched down. This was worse than flying itself. The landing was terrible, the plane kept jerking around and it felt as if it would come apart as soon as it hit the tarmac. I should probably stop watching all this Hollywood blockbusters. Stepping out the warm salty air assaulted my nostrils. This was Phuket a southern province of Thailand. Making my way to the terminus I waited for my black bag on the baggage carousel.

I stood out in this exotic land. My skin was shades darker than most of the locals. I did attract a lot of attention. However I did not mind. Back home disillusioned young ladies were posing behind a borrowed i-Phone 5 taking a butt naked picture for attention. I was getting it for free. If we are keeping score – I have both attention and my dignity.

A jolly young guy in a red vest was waving at me as I made my way out of the airport. He was standing in front of a white van. The van had the words “Kamala Estate Beach Resort” branded across it. I was just about to start my three day vacation. Meeting me halfway the young guy smiled.

“Good see you mister”

“Now we go hotel”

His was a combination of heavy Thai accent and broken English. The drive was long. I had my windows rolled down and the breeze hitting my face was more than welcome. The place was hot. This is where the devil came to test out new coals before taking them down to hell.

“We here mister”

The silence was broken. I smiled and handed the guy a bunch of fifty shilling notes. He looked at them and thanked me profusely. He probably did not know what to do with them – maybe he will tip a hooker if he ever comes to Kenya. As he unloaded the van I decided to indulge in a little tete-a-tete with him.

“What’s your name?”

“Hungbak” he said

“Okay Hungbak, I want to have fun”

“Fun? No worry mister, Hungbak take care of you”

His smile told a tale – a tale of mischief. In his voice there was the slightest trace of excitement. I made my way to the room. Took a quick and deserving cold shower. I walked out into the hotel lobby as the sun kissed the scenic skyline. Looking around Hungbak was waving me towards him. You got to love the enthusiasm on the guy.

“Hey mister, we go have fun”

His voice was vibrant. I obliged and followed him. W headed to a three wheeled van much similar to the tuk-tuks’ that have blatant disregard for the law on our god forsaken Nairobi streets.

“Where are we going?” I asked

“Patong” he replied.

The smile on his face betrayed him. It was a foolish grin and he kept nodding his head affirming some truth unknown to me. I liked the electric feel that sent down my spine. So off we went into Patong. A place unknown to me, a place unknown to the world.

In my back pocket I had safely tucked away a whiskey flask filled with vodka. I took a quick swig and shook my head vigorously as it went down my throat. That was some good vodka, I thought to myself. The lights in the distance seemed to dance. I could hear girls screaming in joyous sounds as music rent the now night air. Finally we arrived.

“We here mister” Hungbak announced.

Nothing could describe the charisma that was in the air. Girls walked around half-naked. They all seemed to smile at me. What was it I was saying about attention? We walked up to a club with the words “crocodile” inscribed on its neon sign. Standing at the entrance was a girl in nothing but a bikini bottom wielding a large heart shaped banner covering her bossom. On the banner was written “Welcome to paradise”. I always knew the way to paradise was through a woman.

It did not take long before the drinks were flowing and inhibitions thrown out of the window. I was dancing like I owned the night amidst cheers from locals and a couple of twilights. Hungbak was watching every move I made, presumably making sure I did not get robbed. A girl came up to me and whisked me away down a dark alley. Her round face was flawless. Her tits perked out defying gravity as she pressed herself onto me. I did nothing to resist.

As soon as her lips touched mine the night sky lit with colorful fireworks. Okay it did not. But something about her kiss was undeniably eccentric – can I ushttps://wordpress.com/poste that word? Instinctively my hands reached for her bikini bottom. I froze. A protruding bulge of muscular veins suddenly filled my hand. I jumped away. She pulled me back. No. He pulled me back and thrust his hands down my beach shorts. I froze again.

She spoke. I mean he spoke.

Her voice was mellow. I mean his voice.

“Happy ending, yes?”

I broke away and ran. I fled away like you would from the devil. No. Like you should. I hated myself for thinking of his kiss was eccentric. I hated that I fondled her boobs. The look on my face was priceless. I no longer trusted these streets. They called it Bang La. I had to find Hungbak and get the hell out. But first I had to find myself a real her and get the taste of shame out of my mouth.

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