I have always been the kind of person to overthink stuff, and I hate that very fact about myself. Why can’t I just be normal like everyone else?? Why do I have to go through things a thousand and one times before finally settling on one thing? Why can’t I just wake up one morning and decide to be random? Why am I so uptight? Why can’t I be normal for once…?
I guess the universe already decided my fate a long time ago, and it’s like the sky spirits concurred with them more so the past one month. See, the month of May has been weird and full of life changing decisions. I won’t narrow it down to May alone; let’s just say 2014 has been one heck of a hard year for me so far. And being the awkwardly complicated thinker that I happen to be, life has been cruel a tad bit too daunting if I may say. The semester that just passed has been hell, who knew campus could be so difficult, and to think I am one of those people who don’t party nor spend the weekends at some club in town drinking their heads off later to find themselves in a strangers house and bed. Some units got me questioning my intelligence though, and I am still not sure what I should expect. Well, I’ll just patiently wait for July and await the examiner’s verdict.
I am a troubled soul right now, more like the sea at high tide. Life isn’t as easy as I envisioned in my journal back in ’11 when I was making my plan of life of the things I wanted to achieve before 25. The reality that I may have to settle for second place is very depressing and I can’t sleep at night wondering if there’s maybe something I can do to change my fate. Is that I am not living life as it ought to be for a person my age or maybe I am just one of those unlucky souls…but I refuse to accept the latter. Maybe I am just overly ambitious and one of those grand dreamers…
But then again, I don’t want to continue building castles in the air, I don’t want to just dream and leave it at that. Nay, I want to live those dreams, I want to experience success in from my own viewpoint. Now that I am halfway through college, the fact that life is not a bed of roses has slowly sunk in and I have realized that this world is not an easy place for anyone, unless of course you come from a long lineage of wealthy persons or influential folks; neither of which I possess. Key word here is struggle; I have to accept that if indeed I have to make my dreams a reality, I have to struggle, fight and never lose focus and sight of the end result!
To all the people feeling a bit blue and depressed, know that you are not alone. And no one can snap you out of your depression and self-pity state other than yourself. Maybe it’s time to accept and move on, pick up yourself and shake the dust off. But one thing I’m certain about is I won’t sit down and watch my dreams go down the drain, I will fight to my last breath, whatever and whichever means I use shall not matter, Mount Greatness here I come…again! This time it’s for real…yes really 🙂
Canduh 
Leah, I know you wrote this last year but it isn’t so removed from your most recent post. In management or in planning they ask people to have smart goals. Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time based. You can treat your life as a management job and list down all you think you want to do- reading this it seems you have done so- next is to interrogate if they are measurable and achievable.
Comparing yourself with your neighbor though may make you work harder may also kill you.You will either be vain or miserable by doing so, for there will be those greater than you and those lesser than you.
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